Be present. Make love. Make tea. Avoid small talk. Embrace conversation. Buy a plant, water it. Make your bed. Make someone else’s bed. Have a smart mouth, and quick wit. Run. Make art. Create. Swim in the ocean. Swim in the rain. Take chances. Ask questions. Make mistakes. Learn. Know your worth. Love fiercely. Forgive quickly. Let go of what doesn’t make you happy. Grow.
—Paolo Coelho (via lazypacific)
(via postmod)
and my sickness is comparison and always wondering why i’m not good enough or comparing myself to others so i feel i’m more qualified. it feels like will died and mom moved on and i’m still here trying to hold on to this family. i feel alone. i feel isolated. i’m having bad dreams all the damn time and they won’t even let me wake up. i never feel rested enough but all i do on my days off is sleep. i feel fucking crazy all the time. i’m really just sad i didn’t get this position and now i don’t know what to do. i don’t want this to be the end of my independence. i’m scared of the unknown.
what a strange feeling…rejection…true, honest, written rejection. and who to even tell at this time in the morning? i just want someone to empathize with me. i feel lost. i thought this is what i needed; to leave here, be away, for a while….i thought i truly deserved this position too…but i didn’t get it. i’m not used to this; but i also haven’t pushed myself as hard as i could in the past year. now i’m just wondering why? what wasn’t good enough? i swear if they would have taken 10 minutes to talk to me they would change their mind…but here i am. lost. aware of my sadness again. aware that leaving isn’t always the answer. but i really fucking wanted to do this. i want to change my life. i wish i wouldn’t have ever told anyone because now i have to tell everyone i’m staying here, still. fucking stuck in this city that eats me alive. i never wanted to stay here yet here i am. fuck.
quick appreciation post for my amazing partner who is patient with me. every single day. when he feels rechazado por mi. when i get moody for no reason. when my delicada-ness comes into play. ugh…always, because i am hard to handle sometimes. i know that. but he handles me so well. te amo babushi